Victoria Michelle Lytles

My Best Friend

History

I met Vickie in August, 1981 at band camp in S.C. just prior to our freshman year at Travelers Rest High School.  We both played clarinet in marching band and shared lots of classes in high school.  We weren't friends right off the bat, but had mutual friends.  It took some time for us to become close.   We wrote lots of letters when I first went to college and fell out of touch for a couple of years until we both showed up in the same Creative Writing class at Greenville Tech in 1987.  From that point on we became great friends and stayed in touch steadily.   Later, we were roommates in houses and apartments in Tucson, AZ (92-93); Austin, TX (93-94); and two places in Greenville, SC (88 and 91-92).

Wedding

She asked me to be her Maid of Honor in her wedding in 2004.  It took place on a yacht which cruised Tampa Bay for several hours.  So many friends and family were there, on both sides – a destination wedding for many who chose to travel to be there.  The weather was beautiful, the ceremony and reception were lovely, and I was grateful to get to share in the day.

Who Was She?

I would describe Vickie as being more than she came from.  She didn’t work at it; she just was.  She had a deep love for reading, an inquisitive mind, and a kind soul.  Every mistake she ever made – whether it was to her own detriment or someone else’s – was only borne out of fear.  Ultimately, that’s probably true for everyone.  I loved Vickie’s sense of humor, and she was much readier with a laugh than I am.  She took a certain joy in just about everything.  Her defining characteristics were an excitement for life and its possibilities and a fearlessness to engage in those possibilities.  She was very much a “feel the fear and do it anyway” person.  She accepted herself as she was and didn’t much care who had a problem with her.  That was their shortcoming – not hers.  Underestimating Vickie Lytles is a mistake a lot of people have made.

Last Years

All of these beautiful qualities she possessed made the last twenty-plus years of her life all the more tragic.  She developed cancer in the late 90s, and the ensuing surgeries and treatments (such as they were) resulted in a severely diminished quality of the rest of her life.  Thank you, “Modern” Medicine.  Vickie suffered from numerous and severe health issues during these decades, and was on the brink of death more than once.  Coupled with the stress and hopelessness of insurance bureaucracy, as well as living in poverty after she was no longer able to work, the toll on her body and mind was incalculable. Somehow, she continued to find joy in small things – animal videos (she had many cats over the course of her life – all rescues), stand-up comedy bits, even David Lynch movies (among her favorites).  She was smart, edgy, homespun, and a really, really good friend.  In fact, my only frustration of note with her was that she didn’t/wouldn’t/couldn’t prioritize herself enough to do the things required to get well – or to achieve some level of foundational wellness that she could then build on once she became stronger.  Every time I felt she’d reached that good place she’d regress again, stop trying.  It became very difficult having her side of virtually every phone call amount to a laundry list of health issues, ER visits, fruitless doctor and insurance conversations – for twenty years.  Still, I loved her. 

I frequently wished that we didn’t live 1500 miles away from each other so that I could care for her better.  I offered on numerous occasions to fly down to help her sort out this and that, but she wouldn’t let me.  I sent her substantial sums of money whenever her car died again or she needed money for medical supplies that insurance refused to cover.   Again, it was very hard watching her quality of life dwindle steadily, but not a fraction as hard as it was for her to live it.   Her husband David was an invaluable support system, and cared for her every need as if he were a trained home health aide or nurse.  More than that, he was her companion for almost 20 years.  He made the intolerable tolerable for her.  I feel certain she would not have remained as long as she did without his help.  She would have given up much sooner.

The News

It was a terrible shock to get the call from David that she had died, and I’m pained now, more than two years later, as if it’s fresh news.  David himself passed this February (2025).  Vickie was a presence in my life for 42 years; part of a very small tribe that has dwindled away with the years – I’ve lost so many people.  The world felt so awful and empty the evening I got that phone call.  It did for quite a while. 

The Bottom Line

But with all this said, and owing to my own beliefs about the nature of life and reality, I’m so glad Vickie is no longer trapped in that body, living life from a recliner, feeling physical and emotional pain.  No one should have to suffer that way.  Now she can do all the traveling she always longed to do, soar above the Alps, view the pyramids from any angle, and check in on all of us anytime we ask.  💙

I love you, Vickie.  I miss you.

Kat